“I’m off to save the world” is what I have jokingly told my family each night as I head off to my job as a 911 dispatcher. It eased the awkwardness of leaving my small child, husband and preteen home alone to put themselves to bed & get themselves up in the morning. It gave them a reason to let me go & to be proud that mommy makes tough decisions so that she can help people. Dispatcher’s aren’t saving the world or doing anything great. I think we all relate to the Five for Fighting Song “Superman,” but none of us think we’re heroes. In fact, most of us think we never quite get it right, never quite do enough and never quite make a difference.
I go through life rather isolated because unlike most people, my job is part of who I am, its not just a job. The biggest part of dispatcher stress is also the thing that makes us good at our job. It’s called “Ready Alert Status,” and it allows us to act fast and decisively as one emergency after another rolls on for 10-12 hours at a time with little downtime in between to process what has happened & restore mind body & soul. The problem with “Ready Alert Status” is that after awhile it becomes part of you & is nearly impossible to turn off. My poor family, I apologize for the years you will have to spend in therapy 
It’s very isolating. You don’t want to take charge away from work, so you avoid situations such as neighborhood association meetings, parent teacher organizations, etc because you no longer are able to let people fumble their way to a solution that is obvious to you because you have a very highly trained, honed sense of judgement. You know that sometimes, away from work people’s feelings get hurt by your directness when this is never your intention. So you isolate.
It’s hard to have relationships with people who have relatively “simple” lives. The descriptor “simple” isn’t meant to detract from the complexity & beauty of their lives. I don’t wish the path I have chosen on anyone else. I just mean to say that no one understands and the only ones that will begin to understand are the few who care enough to spend time experiencing your life, sitting at the console with you, seeing you handle chaos with clarity & calm, seeing the tears in your eyes & hearing the slight catch in your voice as you talk to the person or child experiencing what no one should experience. But few people want to work that hard to develop a relationship with you when it is so easy to befriend ordinary people.
So, I have started this blog to work out the hows and whys of my life. Read if you wish. I wouldn’t expect it to interest anyone but me.
